Today is my DUE Date!

Well it's 12:08 am June 28th 2011 (My official DUE DATE!) I can't believe it has come and I already have a 3 1/2 month old baby. You know when babies are born at the hospital, I've heard it time and time again when new moms come in, and their worried about how long their baby will stay in the NICU... The answer that all the new moms get from the hospital is..."You can plan on taking your baby home around their due date." 


Well Jakey is the exception to the rule BY FARRR!!! We went over our new revised game plan today with Ashlee and the doctor and the new news is not looking good. Right now I will feel lucky if it is September when he comes home. I feel like Jake has kind of come to a stand still with his growing and progression. He can't quite get past all of this CPAP stuff, and at times today they were even thinking about going back on the life support just to give him a break for a week and then try it again. I don't think I will take it very well if they have to intubate him again. He just got his voice back from the last intubation from his eye surgery. It makes me feel like a really bad mom when he has to go through all of this stuff that I know is painful!


He now weighs 3 pounds 5 ounces. He was up to 3.6 but then has since lost an ounce and can't quite gain it back. The doctors think it is because he is awake more now therefore he is burning more calories during the day. They've always told us the more sleep he gets the better, but I never wanted him to sleep as much as I do now.  


I am so thankful for Rory. I am so thankful to come home from the hospital and find that all the clean clothes are put away and not only that... there is a fresh banana cream pie in the fridge waiting for me.!!! I know I couldn't have gotten through this without him. Back when the doctors didn't think that Jake would live, a good friend of ours told us that we needed to be there for each other and that it was going to be a challenge each and every day because our tempers would be short and it's always easier to take it out on the ones you love. He also said that our true selves would come out through this life changing experience. He offered his help for us if we needed some counseling at any point. Now I can't say that we haven't nipped at each other from time to time about silly things... but I can say I have never thought we needed that counseling that was offered. Rory has been the foundation that I have needed by me. We not only have had to deal with one of the smallest babies to ever live at UVRMC, but we have gone through living apart for 2 months, a move to a an entirely different city, and Rory finding a new job all at the same time. I KNOW I couldn't have done this without him. 


Jake is a blessing beyond words. He has taught us that good things are worth waiting for and that blessings come in all sizes! I have this frame next to my computer that says "From small beginnings come great blessings" and I believe it with all my heart! 


I know that this "due date" hasn't really gone the way it was supposed to... but I can say that I have learned so much about myself, about Rory and about our strength as a family through this experience. And in a really weird and sad sort of way and with a heavy heart I'm a little grateful for it. And I just have to keep telling myself "I CAN DO THIS!" and "WE CAN DO THIS IF WE JUST DO THIS TOGETHER!" And one day we will get to bring our little Jakey home.