Happy One Month Birthday to Jake!!!
I can’t believe a month has already gone by. When Jake was born he weighed 430 grams. He is now weighing around 680 grams, which is approximately 1 pound 7 ounces. He has had a major PDF heart surgery, 8 blood transfusions, and countless IV lines put in and out of his little body each and every day. Art lines and Pic Lines put in every extremity. His poor little heals have been poked to death because his art lines never work. He has 2 major hernias that the doctors are becoming more and more concerned with, and they hurt every time they get pushed back into his little body. Jake has been switched back and forth from ventilators because each one fixes different problems so they have to experiment to find out which one will work the best for Jake. He has gone days and weeks without eating at a time. He has developed a Chronic Lung Disease that will be a long term problem that we will have to face as we bring him home from the hospital, meaning he will most likely be on oxygen when he comes home.
And yet with all this little guy has gone through and is going through, he doesn’t cry. (I’m sure I’m crying enough for the both of us.) He has a feeding tube and ventilators going down his throat so even if he did try to cry nothing would come out because they run right through his trachea. But he barely ever tries to cry. He just lays there in his incubator and looks around at everyone with his big blue eyes, with hope and love pouring straight out of them. I wish so badly to be able to take his place. I know I wouldn’t be as tough as he is. I would cry and scream the whole time I’m sure. We hear a lot of crying when we are in the NICU from other babies, but not from Jake. He is getting a bit stronger now and can make a mouse-like squeak, but it is never in anger or sadness like a cry, it is more of a “Hey what’s goin’ on guys!”, or like he is trying to talk to us. I’ve never even seen him open his mouth like he is crying. He yawns a lot and that is about it.
He is so strong. I could never be that strong. I was having a really hard day last Friday because I just couldn’t believe that my body had done this to him. I feel so bad and responsible that he has all these life-threatening things that can happen to him at any moment and that he was lying there suffering painlessly in his bed. Heather the nurse had to remind me that Jake doesn’t know any better. All he knows are these tubes and shots and pokes and lights and people coming and going all day. And even though his is very drugged up and they don’t think he can feel any pain, all he knows is suffering. I can’t wait till he is home and we can show him how real life is and how fun and comfortable it is. I just want to be able to hold him one day and not have to put him down after 5 seconds. I can’t wait till I can actually really touch him and hold him so I can tell him that everything is going to be okay, because at this point it is still too early to tell, he is just so fragile and little.
Jake is TINY!!!
It is really hard for everyone to really grasp how little he is. I don’t think anyone can really comprehend it unless you see it with your own eyes. Pictures just don’t do it justice at all! I’m working on some fun picture ideas but we have to be so careful about the germs that he comes in contact with so for tonight I just tried to find ways to explain his size better.
1. His hand spread open is the size of my thumb nail.
2. The widest part of his thigh is skinnier than my pinky finger.
3. Jake’s head is about the size of a tennis ball, smaller though.
The things that he has that I think look huge comparatively to his body are his fingers and his feet. He has long feet. At least they look big compared to his legs. And his fingers are so long, they look like basketball hands already. The doctors think there might be a chance that he will play sports some day. It all depends on what or how many preemie conditions he develops. I hope he can be a normal boy and play anything he wants.
His one month birthday is Today!!! and I know there isn’t really such thing as a one month birthday, but coming from a perspective that we never thought he would make it this far or have a reason to celebrate, I am going to take every birthday celebration I can get! Hopefully Jake mostly sleeps through this little birthday party, because the more sleep he gets now, the stronger his lungs and body can be for the next party we throw at his 2 month birthday party!!!! Happy Birthday Jakey-Boy!!!
